Home > Yes, yes, yes, I know better than to...........

Yes, yes, yes, I know better than to...........

May 24th, 2007 at 09:45 pm

.......lend money to what is apparently a loser!

For some backround: Took a trip to FL last month with friend and her 2 daughters (19 and 18). Had to put the airfare on my credit card since none of them have one. The friends brother has a home down there so lodging was free for all of us. The deal was that friend would pay me for her ticket while one of the daughters would pay for both girls tickets. Mind you this daughter (19)works full time, lives at home, has no mortgage, rent, utilities, car insurance, or car payments! I never heard from her and finally asked my friend what is the deal with S? Am I ever going to see a check, cash, anything? After still not hearing from her I decide to call her up and get her story. She says the usual - I have it, not to worry, I'll be busy working all week. So I say great, drop it off on your way to work this week.

All week I never received a call. So I call her up today (using a different phone so she doesn't recognize the number). This time I hear fear in her voice, like she was caught. So she gives me the usual I'm running off to work, I'm late. Great! I say. Just drop it off on your way. Can't, she says. Running late, taking the expressway, yada, yada. She goes on to say that she'll give it to her mom since a bunch of us meet every Friday night for dinner and drinks. So I ask her if her mother is working Friday night(tomorrow). She says she doesn't know so I say ask her (I could hear my friend talking in the backround so I knew she was around). I hear friend confirm that no, she is not on the schedule Friday night. Great! I say. Give it to your mom to give to me. Then, just for good measure, I ask to speak to her mom. She gets on the phone and we chat for a bit. Before I let her go I CONFIRM that her daughter will give her the money and I will get it from her tomorrow night. Friend was pleasant but changed the subject much, much, too quickly.

Now, I've been patient, diplomatic, generous in every way possible. But, once my chain is yanked I have a REAL SHORT fuse. Right now I'm running all kinds of scenarios in my head as to what can happen: short pay, no pay, friend doesn't show up cause she had to work after all or decided to go elsewhere for dinner (which she kind of slipped in as a possibility).

I've got to keep my cool so how would any of you handle this? Really, I can't imagine having to ask for my own money back! Don't people have any self-respect?

9 Responses to “Yes, yes, yes, I know better than to...........”

  1. ladymiller Says:

    Oh my, let us know how this turns out!! Hopefully you will get all your money back.

  2. LuckyRobin Says:

    I'd either go the "Stop lying to me and tell me truth," route or given enough time and provocation, the "I would so hate to have to take this to small claim's court," route. Obviously this friend isn't that good of a friend at this point to worry about their feelings. Or if you have a lawyer friend who has a piece of stationary you can borrow, write a certified letter, signed receipt, asking for payment of the debt owed. With a certified letter they can't say they never got it if you do have to take them to small claims.

  3. Nic Says:

    Show up on the doorstep of the dead beats.

  4. Amber Says:

    More than likely your so called friend will not show, which sucks. I agree with Nic just show up,I have gotten to the point where I simply do not lend money I don't have nor will I use my cc for anyoone. Good luck

  5. Broken Arrow Says:

    So, um, I guess now is a bad time to ask for some money? Big Grin

  6. homebody Says:

    Ugh, I had this happen with my sister-in-law. I paid for mother-in-law's sewing machine one year for Christmas. I actually worked with my sister-in-law, they had no kids at the time. I had to repeatedly ask her for her share. Mind you all the siblings agreed to this, it was $50.00 a piece. I never did get paid from two of DH's siblings. I have NEVER again done this. She got over me hounding her and we are friendly. She kept "forgetting" the checkbook. This went on for weeks!

    I would show up and ask for the money and ask why she doesn't have it if she doesn't. I would tell her you misjudged her, thought she was responsible, right and wrong, yada, yada.... you could make a real difference in her financial life for the future. If she gets away with this, she may think she can get away with this type of behavior in other situations...

  7. Fern Says:

    Like Nic said, don't wait for her to drop off the check; show up on their doorstep.

  8. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Is your friend close enough to tell you if she and her daughter were having unexpected financial problems? I might give forbearance if it is beyond their control, but she would need to be honest about it.

  9. katwoman Says:

    The mom (my friend) does have financial difficulties which I knew about, understand and allow for. I knew I would be waiting for her cut so it doesn't bother me. What I have no patience for is that the daughter has no financial obligations except for her Coach bags, cigarettes, clothes, shoes, gasoline, and going out to bars/restaurants every night after work while she's trying to portray herself as a responsible, independant, intelligent adult. I was on vacation with these 2 gals and let me say had they been mine, I'd have b*slapped them both!

    As for showing up on the doorstep - I've been over the house but she never came downstairs even though she knew I was visiting.

    As for small claims - yes, I'm thinking along those lines but having been in acount payables/accounts receivables (for a manufacturer) I would stand a better chance if I could at least somehow get a check out of this gal. I don't care if it bounces, but I think I need some sort of financial obligation from her apart from my word against hers that the cost of the tickets were a loan and not a gift.

    As for the friend - she's weak. Separated, caves into her daughters demands just to be the "good" parent. Has little to no boundaries with them. Despite being a decent person she's a mess and could use counseling but prefers to throw her lot in with "the church". After all, "God is good". I say, "God helps those who help themselves". Just because I don't work, have a personal trainer, etc., doesn't mean I have it easy. Some of you may know and remember my circumstances. It takes long term planning and proper allocation to be able to stop working to take care of an ailing parent along with juggling all the finances/insurances just to make sure everything will last. It always looks alot easier than it really is.

    In retrospect, (isn't always in retrospect?) I should have made her sign a promissary note on the spot. That would have been legally binding!

    We'll see what happens tonight. Friend is coming out with us.

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